Thoughts on Love

Boy, I never blog.  So probably no one will ever actually read this.  However this is a therapeutic thing for me at times, and today is certainly one of those times.  I have been thinking about love a lot recently.  Partly this is due to a conversation I had with someone not too long ago, and partly this is due to the fact that today is the three-year anniversary of my marriage to my beautiful wife.  So love seems to be the topic that is most interesting me at the moment.

Now, for anyone that has been unfortunate enough to hear me go off on this subject before can testify to, I am very opinionated about what love is, and I think that most people tend to have it wrong.  I include myself in this pool though, so I guess it is okay.

The pebble that got the proverbial ball rolling for me these past couple days was a comment about Soul Mates.  Now, I believe in Soul Mates after a fashion.  I believe that two people can be so connected that they become physically, spiritually, and emotionally one for eternity.  To me this is truly what Soul Mates are.  I also believe in such tropes as Love At First Sight, True Love Conquers All, and Destined Romantic Interest.

However, there are some things with the Idea of Soul Mates that really bothers me.  Well, one thing primarily.  I hate the notion that there is one person out there for you, and that you can only love that person, and that you need to love that person in order to truly understand love.  This is a common theme in romantic literature and film.  The example that is currently handy in my mind is Drew Barrymore’s film “Ever After” in which Prince Charming Henry (Dougray Scott) is taught by Leonardo (painter, not turtle) that there is only one woman out there for him, and that he needs to go out and find her, and that he will know who she is.  Do not get me wrong the film is pleasant enough (okay, I really like it, now get off my back about it, okay) but I have to disagree with the depiction of that renaissance man.

I do believe that love is something that requires searching and seeking, but this is not everything.  Typical understanding of Soul Mates leaves one to understand that all one must do is find the “Right Person” then all will be well and the chemistry will work out all the problems.  Too much of the world is still looking for their perfect match, and have left a string of divorces and broken hearts and homes in their wake as a result.  I see this kind of seeker as someone with a seed, that keeps looking for the perfect spot of ground in which to plant that seed.  He will test the ground, and prepare it for the seed, then by chance find another spot where the sunlight hits the ground just right and move onto that spot.  Thus the ground never receives the seed, and the seed is never planted.

For me what really makes love valuable and wonderful is the fact that it is a choice.  If I cannot help but love someone, then what is the worth?  Popular understanding of Soul Mates basically states that True Love is basically some biological impulses that are forcing you want to be with another person.  Nothing says love like uncontrollable serotonin secretions!

One of the things that makes my wife so wonderful is the fact that she continually chooses to do things for me and with me, not because she is forced to, but because she chooses to.  I know that she could have gone on to be with any number of other guys if she wanted to, but she didn’t.  She decided to love me instead.  That makes me the Luckiest Guy, the One In A Million.

People change and have different ideas and desires during the course of their life.  In all truth there are days that I think blonds look better than brunettes (usually only after watching The Lord Of the Rings films though).  There are days that I think having a wife that loved to go running more than reading or sewing would be really great.  If I were thinking that I could find a perfect Soul Mate then I would probably do what the rest of Americans in my age bracket do and leave my wife in 2-10 years in order to find a wife that better fits my “needs.”  In contrast, I chose my wife (and she thankfully chose me), and I can always chose to keep choosing and loving her.

Now the astute readers out there might remember that I stated my belief in Destined Romantic Interest, and then went on to tear down the walls which hold up anything that remotely looks like fate.  How clever of you to point this out.  The truth is that I do believe that for some people there is a special person out there that God (for I am a Christian) is preparing for them. and then He arranges it so they meet under auspicious conditions.  There is no forcing involved, just two people who are good for each other and prepared for a life together.  They still must choose to be together though.  I believe this for several experiences I have had in my own life and have seen in the relations of others.  I do not think that all people have a “special someone” prepared for them.  I think God prepared Aleatha for me because I was too inept to come up with a wife on my own.

Love is the noblest of all virtues, and I am lucky to be loved by a wonderful lady.

I will sign off now.  If there are any spelling, grammatical, philosophical, psychological, or theological errors, then I beg your forgiveness, and remember, I did say I was wrong anyway at the beginning of the post.  Until next time I can’t sleep, adieu.

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3 Comments on “Thoughts on Love”

  1. Thora Says:

    I definitely think love is a choice. But, you already know that. I had a roommate who said that she did believe in a one and only – the one and only person you marry. They become your soul mate. That’s what I think, too.

  2. sarah Says:

    First Avram, now Samuel posting . . . if you guys keep this up it might even convince Matt to come out of blogging hibernation!

    Happy anniversary!

  3. Alan Says:

    I really liked this post.

    Here is another thought:

    If I only love my wife when she “meets my needs”, then I am not much of a husband.

    Would I want a wife that only loved me when I was at my best?

    Love is something you DO, and you KEEP doing it every day. Both the good days and the difficult days. And loving pays rich rewards; far greater than newlyweds can even imagine!

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